We are now well past the six month mark here in Seattle. It’s a bit scary to think that we’ve only been here that long, but at the same time, it’s astonishing that that much time has already passed. It seems so strange that it was in August that I met my community, my Seattle family. Time has flown, but simultaneously, it seems that no time has passed at all.

That said, every JV in the Northwest has been fed the fact that February is the most difficult month. Most people, I think, believe this idea is a crock, some superstition cooked up by FJVs to make you appreciate your early days together. We often hear, “Oh, yeah, the first few months are great, but just wait until February; that’s the most difficult part of the year.” We’re told that February is a make-or-break month for community, that some communities completely fell apart or came together in the depths of a Northwest winter. At work, we read a passage by L’Arche’s founder claiming that members of community see each other as angels, then as demons, and then finally move to seeing each other as human.

Well, we’re midway through February, and I have to say that this month hasn’t been a picnic. I’m not saying I’m unhappy, in fact, I feel pretty great, but the honeymoon has been over for a while now. People are exhausted, homesick, overworked, and Vitamin D deficient (where’s the sun? Why’s it so dark? Why’s it so grey?), and we’re starting to really learn about each other, which includes the not so pretty flaws and histories we carry with us every day. We did this revealing but anxiety-ridden activity where we had to tell each person how they hinder community and how they help community. Though people worked through their issues at the end, the process was rather painful. I had enough nerves for the six of us,  and in part, this anxiety was justified. I was told some jarring things, things I never expected. Overall, though the experience has been positive, because I understand something more of how other community members see me and what they need from me to be happy. As much as I mock Non-Violent Communication, the expression of a need was the key to getting a positive response.

Despite the difficulties of community on a day to day basis (why can’t you do your dishes? When are we going to talk about the bathrooms? She said what? He did what? Why can’t you just do your dishes already?), I feel that we’re being more and more honest with each other every day. Sure, tension still exists, but I’m optimistic that we’ve been showing each other more and more of our true selves. Maybe, if we can continue this trend, we can really know each other and understand each other in the way I’ve seen FJVs do. Hopefully, we won’t leave here as strangers. I would wager a guess that we’re on the right path, given that the veneer is falling away to reveal the real person beneath: vital, raw, and vulnerable.